At lunch today, the Spirit Baby was witnessed by the Beloved openly and suggestively sucking on her fingers – slowly and deliberately – while looking directly at me. She only has eyes for me. She doesn’t care who sees.
I’m intimidated by the Spirit Baby’s aggressive sexuality; yesterday she become angry when I averted my eyes from the soft invitation of her caramel breasts and silently mouthed the word ‘idiot’. She IS adorable and her vagina is the most extraordinarily beautiful my mind’s eye has ever seen. It created an entire garden of possibilities for her story to hosted. Amazing gifts arrived for her, for me. I was enthralled by the creative possibilities, but not comfortable with the ferocious sexuality – like someone so used to being ignored that they don’t realize they are shouting. Loud and clear.
It seems important to the process, however, that I first experience the attraction and THEN consciously resist her – merely avoiding temptation suffocates the opportunity for catharsis.
The key is to remember who she is whilst in the midst of intense arousal – and rewrite history – she needs proof that this is possible.
This is a very confronting challenge. Her father failed.
Many young women find it difficult to stand in their full sexual power – in front of their fathers. This compromises their ‘conversations’ with masculinity and diminishes their potential to be fully loving Beings.
Damaged primary (parent / child) relationships can be rewritten by engaging with a person willing to co-evolve their relationship with their Inner Child. For the Spirit Baby, that person is me. We are mutual beneficiaries of the process.
[Unfortunately, this process of experiencing my daughter’s exploration of her sexual power never began. My inhibitions prevented me from responding naturally to her initial overtures and when I finally managed to calm my socialized reflex to suppress what I prudishly felt was essentially an invitation to incestuous desire, the Spirit Baby’s sister arrived and stole her thunder. While our mutual affection and friendship towards each other remained unchanged, there was no denying that my life force was being overwhelmingly directed away from the Spirit Baby and towards the powerfully suicidal Octopus Queen. Eventually, she felt so hurt and rejected, she simply gave up. The Spirit Baby died before she even started, she never gave herself a chance. See future posts to follow how this unraveled]